Narcissism explained
This page is a guide to understand and identify the narcissist, who they are and how they often act. I’m in no way trying to replace or overtake in knowledge, the medical field of psychologists or psychiatrists.
This page is here to give you basic knowledge of what narcissism is and help guide you toward a better understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
It is completely normal to encounter at some point problems in a relationship with your partner, with friends or at work with colleagues. It is only when those problems begin to worsen or start showing a certain recurring pattern that we need to stop and re-evaluate our position within this relationship. This is especially needed when you had a good feeling about this relationship in the beginning, however you seem to have less and less control over your life and the situation you have landed in. If you have to work too hard to please someone else or if you seem to never be doing anything right anymore, and when your own values and dreams are pushed aside, then you might need help.
A word of caution is necessary to better pinpoint narcissism
If someone posts one too many selfies to their social media or talks about themselves constantly during a first date, we might call them a narcissist.
If someone is going after their dreams and starts up their own business, being demanding or showing some form of egoism or pride, we might call them narcissists.
This is wrong. Narcissism is not always negative. On the contrary, a good dose of self-love is necessary to make things move along and make people, companies or countries grow. If we did not have this, we would not enjoy the designers, shop owners, Start-ups, people who are there to make changes and innovations in the world.
It opens up markets and employment. Where would we get our bread, our clothes, or laptops if it wasn’t for innovation coming from someone’s dream and realization of those dreams?
This is also valid in regard to trouble in relationships. At some point in time every relationship will have dents in the road. Some will be small and easy to overcome, and some will feel like the end of the world. People fall in and out of love. People cheat on one another. Not all problems in relationships are due to narcissistic behavior. We do have to be careful when pinpointing the other as a narcissist so to not exploit the situation to your advantage with a wrong diagnosis.
However, if you do live or work with someone suffering from NPD then you should research this, ask for help and remove yourself as quickly as possible from this relationship, never looking back. Chances are that you will need a lot of help to rebuild yourself, rebuild your trust and learn to take your life in your own hands once again. It will take time but in the end it is all worth it.
Hereunder you will find different aspects of what Narcissistic Personality Disorder includes.
I will also highlight some common behavior narcissist have, cross all types of narcissism.
Search for help if you feel too many boxes are corresponding with what you experience in your life.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is 1 of 4 cluster B Personality disorders. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition = DSM-5)
The 4 clusters are:
- NPD – Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- ASPD – Antisocial Personality Disorder
- BPD – Borderline Personality Disorder
- HPD – Histrionic Personality Disorder
NPD is the one that I will concentrate on, yet is important to mention that if someone suffers from NPD this does not stop this particular personality disorder to share similarities with the other 3 cluster B personality disorders. Narcissistic Personality Disorders can simultaneously be diagnosed and/or overlap with the other 3 disorders.
People with NPD are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves, yet we cannot call it self-love. The way they inflate their self-image is often also a way to hide and avoid deep feelings of insecurity. Therefore, it will take a person with NPD a lot of time and effort to build up this delusion of grandeur, which in return will explain their dysfunctional attitudes and behavior to get to what they want.
Narcissists have always been this way, as far as their childhood. Besides suffering from NPD, they have often other underlying mental problems like depression or addictions.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, stop believing you can change them.
The narcissist believes their behavior is normal. The manipulating, self-victimization, and exaggerated self-importance: they honestly believe they’re always in the right. Everyone else is the problem.
Stop convincing yourself that the narcissist is remorseful or that they miss you and the relationship. Don’t believe that you were being punished or somehow deserved the abuse you received from the narcissist. The cycle of trauma, gaslighting, manipulation, love bombing, triangulation and infidelity continues until you leave, or the narcissist discards you for a new partner.
The most common signs in a narcissist are:
- Love bombing, they shower you with attention and gifts to get what they want.
- They make you believe they are your soulmate.
- Self-centered, arrogant and selfish behavior.
- Desperate need of approval and admiration from others.
- Insecurity, they hide their poor self-esteem from everyone.
- No empathy and emotionally shallow.
- Emotionally detached.
- History of troubled relationships.
- Difficulty to accept other people’s views, opinions or achievements.
- Grandiosity and superiority in comparison with others.
- Comes over very charming.
- Lack of awareness or concern about their own behavior.
- Manipulative and possessive.
- Spreads lies and untruth or have a tendency to exaggerate situations.
- Say to do one thing in public and do exactly the opposite once out of sight.
- Expresses infantile values, physical attractiveness, power, wealth, clothing, manners, likeness.
- Highly intelligent.
- Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies or belittles others.
- Defense mechanism is contempt.
- Pathological liars to the point of believing their own fantasy world and cannot differentiate between their world and the real world. With time the world becomes their reality, built to their own image.
- Made a fantasy world that includes boundless power and success, brilliance and “ideal love”.
- Truly believe their own lies to such extend that often recall stories differently than the situation actually was.
- Observe and judge.
- Constantly reframes stories to make themselves the hero or victim. Due to this behavior others become confused and start doubting themselves.
- Often come out of a dysfunctional family or were treated differently at a very young age.
- Tend to form shallow friendships based on what people can do for them.
- Want absolute control.
- Find themselves unique and superior.
- Take good care of themselves.
- Will place themselves first.
- Display power and status and demand glorification.
- Defensive and verbally aggressive if being challenged or contradicted.
- Inaccurate and self-inflated self-assessment.
- Unethical and dishonest.
- Get away with breaking the law.
- Nothing is ever their fault.
- Bend the conversations to their advantages.
