Dealing with narcissism: How to protect yourself

You can’t do this alone. Search for a reliable coach, a therapist, a psychologist or someone specialized in narcissism and who is ready to commit to you and your healing.

Self-care is important. It is important to understand that you are the victim of a narcissist and their manipulation pulled and held you into this toxic relationship.

You will need to learn to forgive yourself as you are the victim here.

Coming out of a narcissistic relationship will have lowered your self-esteem. To accept this is a positive step toward healing and therefor becoming stronger.

Let go of the past and concentrate on a new future. Nothing changes in our lives until we change our behavior.

Every day learn to do something for yourself. Learn to love yourself.

Go back to what you like, what your dreams once were. Make a list of what those dreams are. Try to pick up one or more points from that list.

Go and do something new, nourishing your own personal benefit like booking a solo trip for yourself or enrolling in a dancing class.

Get outside, meet new people or reconnect with old friends.

Find a support group with people who went through the same thing.

Figure out your finances and make a plan.

Go back to school if needed and build a new career for yourself.

Accept and roll with the grieving process that will follow the rupture with the narcissist. Accept you will grieve as healing takes time.

Learn to be less afraid and dare to take small steps into discovering new things.

Give yourself permission to smile, to be happy, to enjoy life.

Enjoy your new freedom even if it scares you. Chances are you will be scared a lot, but every step makes you stronger.

If you have doubt into returning to the narcissistic relationship, call one of your lifeline trusted contacts (friend, family, coach) and talk it out. Do not go into the invitation of the narcissist who will tell you they changed, or they can’t live without you and loves you.

The narcissist can become extremely difficult or aggressive when they realize you are leaving them. Plan your escape route and ask for help. There are a lot of people and resources to help you make new and healthier choices.

It’s good to know what your rights are even if you stay. Contact a lawyer to learn what those rights are and what you need to do if you decide to leave the narcissist.

Set up a lifeline circle of friends, colleagues and family you can call in case of doubt or emergency.

Block all numbers from the narcissist and never answer any text or mail. They will continue to harass you into coming back or they will become verbally aggressive when they see you stick to your plan of leaving them.

If needed file for a restraining order from the narcissist.

If there is abuse or harassment from your ex after you leave, keep all documents, notes, texts as proof.

Make a new daily routine and break away from the old one so you have less chances to run into your ex-partner. Get out of the old patterns.

Constantly remind yourself that you deserve better. This is your life.

Build a support network with friends and family who can help remind you what is reality.

Urge your partner to go to therapy. There is danger in this! If the narcissist feels the danger of losing the relationship, they will agree to see a psychologist or therapist to uphold the fake image of “look I changed”. However, the narcissist can use this against you later, once they think to have hooked you back into the relationship. “Look what I did for you, for our relationship, look how ungrateful you are…” will be their reaction afterwards. The narcissist is often charming and can influence the judgment of the psychologist while distorting the facts, resulting into making you a double victim. You will not be the first one who receives the message from your therapist to forgive and give it a second chance! If so, leave this therapist as they are blindsided by the narcissist.

Get a therapist, coach or psychologist for yourself. Maybe you might change a few times before you find the right person to help you. Look for someone who is willing to work with you, has the patience and time for you and makes you work toward change. I’m here and will dedicate my time for you if you choose to take the road of recovery with me.

Cut ties with the narcissist.

Offer no explanation.

Offer no second chance.

Let people know who your partner really was.

Do not rush into a new relationship. Chances are you will make the same wrong choices if you did not change fully who you are.

Don’t get into arguments with the narcissist.

Answer to the narcissist with short evasive answers. Do not go into details. The less you say about your day the better it will go. Saying nothing special happened works well.

Not showing your feelings, you keep control. If they see you get angry or upset, they will use this against you and win the battle.

The less you share, the better it gets for you. Remember they are excellent manipulators.

Keep standing your ground and stay strong. Do not get sidetracked by their remorse, their tears, their promise to change, their love-bombing and their charms.

Always remember that they will not change. They only will become better at manipulating you if you let them in.

Everything the narcissist will do is to find ways to extract reactions or emotions out of you or others. Don’t feel sad or sorry for them. They have no sense of loss, they do not know what love is, they have no empathy. Their emotions are fake.

You need a clean break. You can’t take a short break away or out of the relationship to see what happens in a few months. In the long run, you will commit again for this abusive relationship and it will be harder to get away.

Refuse to have arguments and step away. This will stop the cycle of abuse and manipulation.

In some case you can’t leave the narcissist. There are still means to help you having a better and more balanced life for yourself without being constantly hurt by the partners misbehaving.

You’re not responsible for their behavior, but you are responsible for taking care of yourself and questioning the past and current situation.