Understand why
Why do you stay in the relationship and what prevents you to leave this relationship? It is important to research your situation and accept you are struggling. Only then you can take the right decision for yourself toward understanding and change.
Why did the narcissist choose you?
The narcissist knows how to tell their story to attract you. They will use your love and compassion to charm and manipulate you into their web. They will be charming and push all the right button to come closer to you.
They know that you will most likely fight for the justice of others yet you forget to take care of yourself and therefor you forget to place yourself first. Because of your empathy you will never sense any danger and will not think of being manipulated, until it is to late. The narcissist craves attention and love and the empath will give it to them unconditionally, as they are loving, devoted and selfless.
Love Bombing.
When this happened did your partner show you a lot of remorse, asked forgiveness, changed their behavior, became excessively charming and full of attention to you? Do they buy you gifts, get you to a nice restaurant, take you on a lovers holiday, start telling you they were in a bad place, depressed and can’t live without you? This is called love Bombing.
You will think they changed and give the relationship a new chance. But once this happens, the partner changes again into their old habits. This makes it harder to try to leave again?
Are you scared to leave?
Are you scared to start a new life again, without your partner?
Are you scared to leave because you wonder what people will think of you?
Are you scared to leave because you have no plan made for yourself?
Are you scared to leave because there are children involved?
Do you understand how the narcissist works?
The narcissist sets out to make you think that you have met your soul-mate. They mirror back your own beliefs and standards to you. You were seduced and manipulated into falling in love with someone that never really existed. They have a huge sense of grandeur
The narcissist has planted beliefs in you
The narcissist has planted beliefs in you that makes it hard for you to make decisions or trust your thoughts. What is your belief about your life and your relationship? Make a list of these beliefs and discuss them with your coach.
You have no clue how to survive
You have no clue how to survive outside your familiar place? Through coaching we can re-discover who you are and what your talents are. You will discover what you want rather then what others want for you.
You feel it is all your fault and you deserve this?
This is a belief that is not correct. You have been manipulated in thinking this way. Through coaching we will research these beliefs and change them so you have a better understanding of who you really are.
You are isolated and are scared to reach out.
A narcissistic person will isolate you from your friends and family. They do this so they have a better hold on you. You will feel shame regarding this relationship. Often to the outside world your relationship seems wonderful, as the abuse happens behind closed doors. The narcissist is a master in disguise toward others, being often charming and manipulative.
You still think you can change the narcissist?
The quicker you understand that you are not at fault and that you cannot change a narcissist, the quicker you can start rebuilding your own life.
You don’t feel confident about your choices?
Trust your instinct. Where there is smoke, there is fire. Ask questions. Seek help and second opinions with friends, colleagues or family. A coach can help you in one session to re-evaluate your choices.
You still feel empathy toward them
Even with the daily psychological abuse of the narcissist you feel empathy toward them. This is why you have a hard time leaving. You do deserve better and as an individual you have the same rights toward happiness and a stable and healthy relationship. With a coach you can work out these feelings and re-assess what a healthy relationship means.
Do you still love them?
What is love and what does love means in a relationship. With me as your coach we can work around partnership, relationship, love and the cycle of love in a healthy relationship.
You still make up excuses for the abusive relationship you live in?
Are you scared of your partner? Do you feel it is your fault? Are you ashamed for the choices you took? Let’s work together and find out if your belief of this relationship is the right one when it comes to you and your abusive partner. Together we will find why you need to excuse yourself for someone else’s behavior so you can change your own habits and find your own voice.
As a child, did you suffer from an abusive parent?
Did you have an abusive parent or were you neglected as a child? Ask help and talk to a coach.
Are you afraid of losing face to family or friends if you decide to leave the toxic relationship?
Always go for your own happiness. Never stay for the wrong reasons. With a coach you will work in strengthening your decisions and you will discover personal ways to empower yourself in making and sustaining your new choices in life.
Are you scared people will blame you and not the narcissist?
A narcissist will not only manipulate you but everyone around them. They might blame you for their wrong doing. Others might be blindsided by the manipulation of the narcissist. even when this occurs learn to believe in yourself. You are doing the right thing for you. Seek help, share what happens, and don’t be afraid for change. This is your life and you are worth it to be happy. Ask your coach to help you pass this. Remember that being vulnerable is a strength and not a weakness.
Are you scared of the unknown?
Are you scared of the unknown as you have to learn to trust your own decision-making? You have to trust your judgement as being the right one? A coach can help you finding the right tools to strengthen you on your road to healing and independency.
Do you suffer from co-dependency?
This means that you are dependent of the narcissist and you need approval from your partner to uphold your self-worth and identity. Your sense of purpose is wrapped around making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner’s needs. You can’t imagine a life out of the circle (web) of the narcissist and you are willing to support the partner even if they are showing unhealthy behavior. As a coach specialised in narcissistic behavior I will help you find your own strength in decision making, self worth and self-love so you can start to rediscover who you are as an individual, loose from your partner.
